It gets better

There has been a rash of gay teenagers committing suicide in the news. In every case, the kids have been bullied, the authorities haven't taken steps to stop the bullying, and families have been outraged that their children could find so little support in their communities that they felt the best course of action is to take their own lives.

A lot of talk in the gay community is for getting anti-bullying laws passed. What I find interesting is that assault is already illegal; destruction of property is already illegal, and I wonder whether having a different law on the books for the same crimes will make a huge difference. Sure, it will show public support for kids who don't fit into their peers' ideas of who they should be or how they should act, but will it make a difference on the ground, or will attention to violent behavior only create more such behavior?

I'm reminded of the recent issue of Constance McMillan wanting to take her girlfriend to the prom in a small town in Mississippi. In an effort to force acceptance, or at least equal rights, her family sued the school board, forced an equal prom, and ended up with a mixed bag of results. The people who didn't want her at their prom just had a private prom, and only a handful of people ended up at the official prom. Homophobic classmates blamed Constance for ruining their fun. Yet, Constance became a public figure, made numerous appearances on national television, won enough money from the lawsuit to pay for her college education, and is now a hero to many.

I gotta admit, if I saw someone taunting a gay kid, I'd have a strong urge to grab my baseball bat and make a major scene, but I'd know that the solution would be only temporary and would likely cause worse repercussions for the kid when I wasn't around with my bat to protect him or her. Maybe I'd let the kid keep my bat.

Dan Savage, one of my personal heroes, came up with a great idea to let the kids know there is hope for them after high school. It's a YouTube project called "It Gets Better," that offers a place for adult gays to tell their stories of how they, too, had a rough time in school but are living happy, fulfilling, love-filled lives now. Dan and his partner Terry's video can be found here.

I don't know how Dan would feel about me saying this, but I think his idea is right out of the vortex. Rather than dwelling on hate and anger and lashing out at those who do wrong, it's important to impart to everybody that there is hope--that life can be good, that it will be good, despite what's going on right now. Live in that hope, and things can only get better.