My girlfriend has started making lists of her interests. She's been with the same man for 20 years, and has always taken him into consideration when making plans and pursuing interests. She has a hobby list, a travel list, and I'm not sure what else. Someone pointed out to her that this is an opportunity to really find herself--rather than launching into another long-term relationship without thinking about who she is and what she wants, she'll work on herself. I think that's a damn good idea.
There's a small part of me that worries that she'll discover that I'm not what she's looking for, but the bigger part of me is glad she's really discovering herself. I'd rather be with someone who is confident in herself, who doesn't compromise herself to appease me (which, honestly, she doesn't do anyway), and who doesn't rely on how others behave to feel good herself.
Meanwhile, while I was typing the above paragraph, I got another voicemail from my mom. Yesterday's voicemail was informational--I can get AIDS from my girlfriend if she's ever slept with someone who has it. I'm pretty sure she hasn't, and she's tested negative anyway, as have I, and even if she were HIV positive, lesbian sex isn't the best way to give it to somebody else. I considered calling my mom back to reassure her that our chances are pretty fucking slim of acquiring anything, let alone something as difficult to transmit as HIV, but . . . well, no, I didn't really consider it. Honestly, I'd just like for her to drop it.
Today's voicemail was just as dramatic, but the content was a little better. She knows I'm tired of hearing about it, and she's giving it over into the hands of her savior, and I can call her when I feel like it, but she won't be bugging me any more. As I'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't have my phone number (he's never called me, anyway), I'm pretty happy about that. Still, the situation is far from ideal.
I can't create in someone else's reality, so I'm trying to figure out what would be the best situation to bring into my reality. If I could manufacture enlightenment pills, I'd take one myself first, then slip one into my mom's decaf (anxiety makes it prudent to avoid caffeine). Or maybe I should do hers first, as enlightenment might make me realize it's best not to fiddle with other people's realities.
I'm currently listening to The Law of Attraction: The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham. It's vintage recordings republished as a single audiobook. Esther uses a thicker accent when translating for Abraham, so it's a little like listening to a gypsy fortune teller, and the background music is spookily like what I hear at work (that is, it's a little spooky and dramatic), but the content is good as always.
One of the exercises they suggest is writing down what you want to manifest on one side of a sheet of paper, and on the other side write down all the reasons you know it will happen. They suggest starting with three, so your energy isn't too divided, and I think it will be easier to keep track of what's going on, too.
So what can I manifest about the situation with my mom? For her to love Jessica like a good daughter-in-law possibility? I'm thinking the tattoos might scare her a little, so that's a bit much to ask, at least for the moment. I think what I can manage is improvement in our relationships.
So that goes on my first list, three things I'll manifest. Along with an iPhone 4 and a paid off mortgage. Shallow, the material wishes, you think? Perhaps, but life wouldn't be any fun if everything we did were deep and meaningful. Plus, those sorts of things are easier to measure. The mortgage kind of scares me, almost as much as my mom does, so maybe I'll start with something easier there, too. Or maybe I'll make a list of four--those three and my completed novel. I'm a rule breaker. And the novel would also be easier to measure, and it's quite important to me, in case you haven't noticed from previous posts.
And, like Jessica, I'll be making lists of places I'd like to visit and interests I'd like to pursue. When I'm in the groove with the intentional creation stuff, maybe I'll turn those pages over and write why I know they'll manifest in my physical reality.
I've already pulled out a journal, and, once again, my fountain pen has dried up. I do love a good fountain pen. Perhaps I'll fix the pen before working on ridding the bathroom of mold.
My home is improving every day. We painted the bedroom yesterday, and it looks friggin' awesome. Three walls in dark eucalyptus and one in warm caramel is a great improvement over all four in granny smith apple green. Next on our list is the bathroom--a softer orange and new art on the wall. Jessica knows a number of very good artists and has a lot of their work, and piece by piece our home is turning into a truly lovely environment. We have plans to build a shed to keep the motorcycles safe (my motorcycle won't know what hit it, poor thing) and move storage and tools out there as well. All kinds of neat stuff is happening, and I know it's all been waiting for me in my vibrational escrow.
So that's what's happening in the world of faithy. Life is good; a little weird, but good, and every night I have the best manifestation ever: cuddles with a beautiful woman whom I love, and who loves me.
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