usually make me pretty fucking happy. Monday is my day off; rain is a blessing that I truly enjoy.
Today, though, I woke up from a dream in which someone shot Dmitri. It was very upsetting. Abraham would say that it's a good thing that manifested in a dream rather than in real life, and go on to say that that both the shooter and Dmitri are me, etc. I still struggle, though, with wondering whether I could have prevented him needing surgery if my vibrations (i.e. mood, vibrational alignment, being true to myself) were better, and I wonder if the dream isn't just guilt poking its way through my subconscious.
My inner being doesn't feel guilt, though, and doesn't see me as guilty. At least, that's what I'm told. So me feeling guilt is actually me feeling separation from my inner being. Then maybe the dream is an indication that I need to work on being in the vortex more, which I'm doing anyway, which makes me wonder why I need to have the stupid dream in the first place. Grumble grumble.
Dmitri, on the other hand, is feeling about a billion times better than last week. He's eager to go outside, eager to eat (as long as there's canned chicken involved), and has figured out that melty cheese hides pills so now I have to find another medium. I think scrambled eggs is next on the list. He even does the full body shake (gently) when he gets wet in the rain, which is a huge step. So overall I'm feeling pretty happy about him.
The other situation that I'm using as an excuse to not be in alignment with my inner being (grumble grumble), is that the cat I'm catsitting sneaked outside during Dmitri's morning pee break, attacked me full force when I tried to bring her back in, and hasn't been seen since. She lived here for 4 years, and I'm hoping that reduces the chances that she'll try to run away (which I've heard cats do when they're in a new place) but I can't seem to stop worrying. I feel it's my penance for falling down on my duty to keep her inside--if I have a random happier thought I catch myself trying to bring my mood back to guilt and worry, which is totally not what Abraham would recommend.
On the other hand, maybe a tantrum would help. It's certainly closer to feeling good than beating myself up. Abraham says that it's totally understandable why children have tantrums--they are closer to remembering what alignment is like and kick and scream because they want to get back there. I get that. Not sure how I'd manage to have one without scaring all the animals, though. Heh.
I gotta admit, picturing that cheered me up a little bit. Lemme hang on to that thought!
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