Today is Day Two of being snowed in here in Durham. Yesterday we played Wii, watched TV, did laundry and dishes, and generally putzed around to our hearts' content. Today I'd like to do some vortex-y kind of work, but I'm not sure where to start. I've focus-wheeled myself dry, so it's time to thumb through the processes in the back of Ask and It Is Given.
What would be nice is a simple, step-by-step process to lose resistance, to let go and allow myself to stop pushing away the success I'd like. Don't get me wrong--I'm happy, and I'm having an amazing life, but if there were a sure-fire process to go through to manifest whatever I'd like to come next, that sounds like fun.
Abraham has, of course, listed 22 processes to reduce resistance and get more vortex-y in the back of Ask and It Is Given, complete with suggestions for when to use which process. I'm imagining, though, something more like a program--seven days of focus wheels followed by three of the "Wouldn't it be nice if . . ." game, then scripting for a bit . . . a sure-fire way to chip away resistance and line up with my inner being.
Wouldn't it be nice if there were such a program, and it worked like clockwork? Instant Enlightenment and all that?
Or would it be?
Part of the joy of life is its unpredictable nature. Another part is looking forward to what you know is coming, of course, and expecting the best.
When I was twelve I was baptized. This process was supposed to wash me of my sins, freeing me to be right with god and, most importantly, guaranteeing me a place in heaven as long as I didn't "fall away" from the faith. It was a definable process in our church: five steps to salvation that we could all recite glibly to our friends from other denominations who left out one crucial step or another (usually baptism, according to us). Hear. Believe. Repent. Confess. Be baptized. Poof, you're a Christian.
The problem was I felt worse after the baptism part. It meant I was an adult and responsible for my own actions, unless I was wrong, still innocent, in which case maybe it didn't take and I'd need to get re-baptized at 20 or so, which I thought about doing many times. Lots of people I knew did that, fearing that they didn't know what they were doing when they were younger and wanting to make sure that they were right with god.
That's the beauty of a defined process, though: I knew that I'd feel the same if I was baptized again; I knew I did it technically right the first time. How you feel doesn't play into the assurance of salvation at all. Which means that if you didn't do it right, the only way to know would be to think about it and decide logically.
Not easy for a young woman who hardly knew her own mind.
With Abraham, though, you're not shooting for salvation. You're just shooting for feeling better, which is easy to tell because . . . well, you feel better. Relief is a key word here.
Sometimes the feeling better is harder to define than others. The biggest feeling of relief I ever had was in giving up my religion, yet it terrified me. Terror is a step up from feeling dead, and it was a huge relief to realize that I had been right all along; there was no point in trying to explain to myself why things made sense when they obviously didn't.
So today I'm a little bored, or feeling like I might get bored, and what feels better than bored? Interest. Excitement. Awareness. Surety. Appreciation. Lots of things, really. I waxed philosophical and it didn't hold my interest just now (sorry if I bored you, too); in fact, it reminded me that I've let go of my past and it's way more fun to look to the future. It's way more fun to look at the present, in fact, and think of all the stuff I appreciate.
Three dogs, three cats and a beautiful woman to share my holidays and snow days with--very much appreciated.
I got Scrivener working this morning (command line Linux is not a strong point for me, which is why I use Ubuntu), which opens up possibilities for working on my novel or cataloging ideas for other stuff I want to do and write.
My girlfriend's dad saw my copy of Ask and It Is Given on the coffee table and it turns out he's really into Abraham. I have a new fantasy of getting him tickets to see them for his birthday.
I got a math drawing kit for Christmas, which makes it easier to draw recognizable circles for my focus wheels.
There is no end of interesting noises that Casper, the French bulldog, makes, awake or asleep.
I've been wanting a little time off work; today is the sixth day I have off, and after tomorrow I'm off again until Sunday, after which we're going to visit my brother in Connecticut for a few days.
We have leftover lasagna and cheesecake in the fridge.
I'm still in my pajamas. It's nearly 1:00.
I got a refund check from my health insurance company in the mail.
I can deposit checks using my phone camera.
My girlfriend reheated my coffee for me without me asking. She's very sweet that way. <3
My journal is waiting for me to do some fun Abraham-type processes, complete with new compass and favorite fountain pen. And these processes aren't a set do-it-right kind of thing, but rather a way to get yourself to feel better. Relief, joy, appreciation, assuredness, optimism, excitement, and love are all within me, and if I take a few minutes, none of it is too difficult to find.
And that's today. Happy snow day. :)
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