'Tis the holiday season, and with holidays come less work and more bills, at least at the McSpa. Well, that's not true: tips have been great, but we're closed (no pay or tips) for four prime money-making days in the next couple of weeks. Strange how these events coincide.
I've been doing a lot of focus wheels lately, with general improvement in attitude which waxes and wanes depending on whether I focus on what's in front of me (my bank account) or what's inside me (happiness and love and other sappy shit). So, I follow Abraham's advice and focus on what makes me happy until I feel better, and then I deal with the money. Even Abraham says ignoring the money altogether is not a good idea, and they're all about only thinking good thoughts.
What's weird is that whenever I think about money too much, and try to focus on good stuff and believe that more comes, I get this urge to work on my novel, which I've been ignoring. The reason I've been ignoring it is because I don't want the expectation of more money to be attached to writing a best-selling blockbuster-type Great American Novel that changes the way the world looks at everything that's important to me.
Also, if I do get the idea that that's where more money will come from, there's the waiting for it--the idea nothing new will come until I finish--but I'm waiting anyway, so what's the difference?
Wouldn't it be nice if I could guarantee that more money would come if I worked on my book? And from a separate source, like a winning lottery ticket?
My girlfriend, by the way, has suggested that maybe I do a focus wheel about obsessing over money too much. There are many reasons I love her, including common sense. It doesn't hurt that she's super-hot, too.
I have this weird thing, the idea that when something becomes my livelihood, it becomes work and thus is no longer fun. I've never had a livelihood that was really fun, though I do enjoy massage, so it's a completely unfounded belief. The flip side of this is the idea that if something is fun, it inherently won't bring money.
I can see why Abraham recommends just focusing on good thoughts and not worrying about where the things you want come from. "Follow your bliss," a la Joseph Campbell, and you will allow the universe to fall into place around you rather than trying to force it.
I kind of suck at that sometimes. It's easier to worry and work, or stick my head in the sand and pretend nothing's going on. This is not vortex-y, life-is-good behavior.
One thought I find comforting is the idea that I don't have to stay happy all the time to have an overall happy life. Oh, the pressure of happiness! I can't take it! And when I remove the pressure to feel happy, I feel relief, which is closer to happiness than trying to be happy.
And it's ok to not worry about money even if you don't have enough as long as you're not stupid about it. I have been stupid about it in the past--spending money I didn't have, ignoring bills and buying toys to comfort myself, which just makes me worry more and push thoughts of fiscal responsibility to the back of my head. Worrying really doesn't get you anywhere. I can see where it has taken my mother, and that reminds me poignantly to just do what I can and remain calm, enjoying everything that's good about my life.
And what is good about my life? Pretty much everything. I look up and see Jessica frowning at her computer typing, her hair falling out of her braid and over her face in the way that I love. I'm still in my robe at 10:30 in the morning, drinking coffee and am about to enjoy biscuits and gravy on a lovely slushy snow day. My cat is actually lying next to me rather than climbing all over me. I have two massage appointments today at the corporation where I go every other week, both with nice people whom I enjoy working on. We're having Hungarian mushroom soup with friends tonight (yum). We have a live Christmas tree with blue LED lights and tons of presents under it. Casper, the French bulldog, is meditating, while Meeko, the mutt, is taking up as much room as she can in the bed they're sharing. Dmitri, the husky, survived his Furminator treatment yesterday, and is sacked out on the wood floor. Massive Attack is on the stereo.
And I have the beginnings of a novel I really want to write in this very computer.
We were going to wait until January to start the revision process on our novels, but I feel a little restless about it. I have an urge to write.
And thus I follow my bliss, and let the money worry about itself.
No comments:
Post a Comment