compatible neuroses

I was thinking this morning about how wonderful I feel with Jessica. Whenever I feel less-than-good, I picture us driving somewhere fun, her hair framing her face the way it does, sunglasses on and looking carefree.

I didn't feel bad, just a little sleepy, but that image brought me into warm fuzzy happiness the way it always does.

I imagined talking to Abraham about her, about how she's all I need to think about to get into the vortex, and how my plan is to keep that up until my point of attraction improves all over the place, not just with our relationship. I pictured myself saying, "My friend Kathy says that the key to a good relationship is compatible neuroses," and laughing, and then I realized that that's not the key to the relationship that I want. It's not the key to the relationship I have.

The key to our relationship is how easy it is for me to be myself with her. My true self; not the current physical mental apparatus that I am, but the ideal that is the real me.

I've been thinking a lot about expectations. Abraham says, "When your desire feels so big that it feels unreasonable, it is not on the verge of manifestation. When your desire feels to you like it is the next logical step, then it is on the verge of manifestation." (Ask and It Is Given, p. 122)

I can't say that I'm expecting to win the lottery tomorrow, as nice as it would be. What I can say is that I feel way better now than I ever have in my life. I can look back and see how I started in a dark and cold place (overall--I did have happy times and good friends, but my overall outlook and opinion of myself wasn't fantastic) and gradually grew more and more into who I am today. That lets me know that there is one thing that I can be sure of: as long as I'm working to feel better and to be more myself, I will feel better and better, and be more myself.

The next logical step is always to feel a little better. Whether it will bring great manifestations tomorrow or next week or next decade, I have no idea. But I know I have an amazing life to look forward to; a pretty damn good life right now.

I expect amazing things. I see amazing things--in myself, in my lover, in myself when I'm with my lover. In the snow on the ground and the dogs on the sofa. In my warm woolen socks. In the books I read and the music I hear.

How could I help but be positive when I look around and see what I see, when it so recently wasn't there? Good things come. Good things are coming.

Life is good.