I've long been discouraged by writing books that say things like, "When the going gets tough, the tough get writing," or some such nonsense. They're well-meaning, I know, and I believe they're operating under the basic premise that if you write when you don't feel like it, you'll find yourself in the groove soon enough and it won't be a problem.
The problem with this approach, for me, is that it points out that there will be tough going on your project, at some point. I know there likely will be tough spots to work through, but pointing that out when I'm first getting started is hardly motivating.
Also, if I am having a tough time, telling myself to just slog through it even though I don't feel like it inspires my inner rebel. "Slog through it?" I say. "I don't think so!" and so my creative juices freeze up on purpose just to prove that they can.
So when I got stuck last month writing, I decided two things:
1. It's ok to take a day off.
2. I'll concentrate on how much I enjoy writing instead of just trying to slog through when I don't feel like it.
I did do some slogging, though, and I found that it was easy to move into enjoying it because of those two decisions.
I do, in fact, enjoy writing. Even when the story isn't going where I think it was supposed to go, I enjoy putting words on the page, feeling my characters' emotions (good or bad), imagining how the book will turn out after finishing touches, and ignoring the urge to fix everything the first time around because it just slows a person down. At least, that's what I've heard from Anne Lamott, who is an enthusiastic proponent of the idea of writing shitty first drafts.
So now I have a lovely first draft that needs a lot of work, but the basic idea is there. Is definitely there, and that's farther than I've ever gotten up to this point, and it's exciting.
Good news number two: My mom invited Jessica to come to Thanksgiving. Of course, the invitation was extended after I'd committed to work that week and we'd invited Jessica's father over for Thanksgiving lunch, so we didn't travel, but she invited her, and apologized for . . . well, I'm not sure specifically for what, but she definitely apologized.
She left it all on my voicemail Wednesday, and I spoke to her Thanksgiving day after writing a long email Wednesday night explaining about my beliefs, which she hadn't read at that point. I'm still not sure if she's read it; her email wasn't working at the time. I've decided I'll just let it lay, or lie, or whatever, and be open to discuss the email if she brings it up. So my mom and I are speaking now, and there haven't been any more warnings about AIDS or questions about where both of us went wrong for me to end up a lesbian.
Good news #3: I have leftover curry. Yum.
Good news #4: This bit didn't feel like good news at the time, but it's actually very good news now that I've thought about it.
During November, I didn't blog, didn't listen to much Jerry & Esther, and went on vacation a bit. As a result, I didn't practice my affirmations or other thought skills. No processes, not much of anything except curiosity about what would happen in the novel I'm writing next.
The result? Not only did my overall income drop because of fewer hours worked, but my tips were noticeably lower as well. Noticeably.
Quick results.
And this is good news because . . .?
Because it reminds me that what I think really does affect what goes on in my life. Focus on the negative, attract more negative, push away the positive. Focus on the positive--miracles happen. :)
So I'm starting my affirmations again, stuff like, "I average $20/hour in tips."
I also realized that there's a very big part of me that thinks that even if the Law of Attraction stuff is true, there's no way I'll figure out how to use it to my advantage, because I never have. I've started using focus wheels to shift my beliefs regarding that. You can find some templates for focus wheels and other Abraham-Hicks processes here.
So it's a good thing, really. I see proof that the Law of Attraction works in both directions, and I can see proof that I've used it in both directions. This inspires me to use it for good.
I'd also like to say that Jessica is totally down with practicing the Law of Attraction stuff with me, and we've made some affirmations and a positive aspects page to get started with. It was more fun than watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which, if you know me, is saying a lot, and it makes me happy that it's something we can do together. Also, it makes me happy that it makes sense to her to be conscious of how and what she's thinking, and to realize that it affects not only her attitude but her life at large. We're good for reminding each other of these things, and when I was down in the dumps about the temporary slower influx of money, she suggested I listen to some Abraham to cheer myself up. Very cool. Plus, it worked.
I think that's all for today. :) Happy December!
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