it's been a while

It's been a while since I've written here--just over a month, in fact. I must confess, it's partially because I suffered a severe disappointment regarding the world of Esther and Jerry Hicks.

Abraham speaks of Jerry having a business that he enjoys, and, out of curiosity, I googled Jerry to see what it might be. No results. So I went to the internet's most trusted source of biographical information, Wikipedia, and read up on them as a couple. Jerry's business, as it turns out, is Amway.

Amway.

Why, Jerry? Why?

Sigh.

So I tried to justify it in my mind, tell myself that Jerry isn't Abraham, that maybe pyramid schemes are ok in the greater cosmic order, that maybe there's something more about Amway that I don't get, but . . . well, I just don't get it. So I'll leave it at that, and blog away anyway.

Many things have happened in the world of faithy since last I posted. We got the space on 9th Street and are seeing clients there pretty regularly now. We got listed on the Duke employee discounts page and received a number of calls and a handful of new regular clients as well as a few one-time clients thanks to that, which is good because I managed to break not one but two computers, and Apples aren't cheap to fix. $404 for a wine spill on Jessica's MacBook after I had decided to fix the computer I'm typing on (which I didn't break, but I got for free so I figured it was worth fixing), and I'm still holding off on buying the $64 screen to replace the one I stepped on for my netbook.

We have reviewed our policy and procedures for where to leave our computers and liquid beverages and have come up with some workable solutions.

Meanwhile, I've been entertaining myself with Tal Ben-Shahar's The Pursuit of Perfect on Audible. It's quite good--he tells the story of his journey toward "optimalism" (the pursuit of the best given the circumstances you're in) from perfectionism (I think we all know what that means), and gives some helpful tips on how you, too, can become healthier and happier in that way. (My Amazon associates thingy isn't accepting my request to add a link here, so just know that it's out there.)

It's interesting. I hadn't really gone looking for a book on perfectionism; I'd just heard good stuff about Ben-Shahar and wanted to hear what he had to say. I must say, though, that he still sees the world a little bit like a perfectionist, in a bit of an either-or way. You either subscribe to Plato's perfectionistic philosophy, or Aristotle's realistic philosophy, and there is no in-between (at least, that's the way it sounds to me). And while he still pursues inner peace, he seems to doubt that it can truly exist; he seems to believe that inner peace means no suffering, and we wouldn't be truly human without some suffering.

My philosophy is that you can suffer and still have inner peace. (Interestingly enough, Abraham mentioned something along those lines in a seminar I was listening to a couple of weeks ago--you can be in pain and be in the Vortex at the same time.)

Evidence of my greatest growing experience, in fact, came years ago, when I was newly out, and broken-hearted again over some woman who wouldn't have me, and I could feel the pain in my chest and my fingers that comes with disappointment and self-questioning, and I knew that that pain was better than the numbness I had felt for years when I denied myself, denied my true feelings and questions about life and god and sexuality. I cried, and loved the feeling of crying, loved the feeling of pain that I had, loved that I was able to acknowledge it and loved that it meant that life's joys would be felt more sharply as well.

It wasn't a masochistic sort of thing. I didn't want the pain to go on unnecessarily, and I was pretty miserable in the process, but I had my first taste of true inner peace with that: peace in knowing that pain is only pain, and that it would pass, and in the meantime only someone who is truly alive can feel it.

Ben-Shahar speaks of that, particularly of the idea that greater pain opens greater possibilities for joy, but he doesn't equate it with inner peace, which is where I differ.

In Herman Hesse's Siddharta, Siddharta only reaches enlightenment when he embraces suffering and joy all at once. So I admit I didn't come up with the concept, but it rings true to me.

So that's there. I also listened to Biocentrism by Robert Lanza and Bob Berman, which I think would have gone better had the narrator not sounded a bit like Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation. He's a brilliant man who has lived a fascinating life, but the narration sounded a bit condescending and I would have liked to have heard the author read it for more authenticity. Really interesting concepts about consciousness, the nature of time and the origin of the universe which still, though, leaves the question, "Where did consciousness come from?" Of course, perhaps consciousness can't find its own origins because of the nature of consciousness.

Next on my list is Geoff Colvin's Talent is Overrated, if you're curious. I really enjoyed Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers, and apparently this one is a more practical guide to developing your own skills toward success at whatever you want to achieve.

Next up: thoughts on the nature of the law of attraction. I think this post is long enough.