being ok with where you are, part deux

I'm waiting outside the lawyer's office while Jessica and her husband sign the papers selling their house. For some reason I've always loved the bittersweet feeling of nostalgia, and while it's been sad for even me to go into their nearly empty house and think of my memories there, not to mention hearing their stories and imagining how they feel, somehow closing this chapter and making it officially a memory is sweet in that weird bittersweet nostalgic way.

Is that strange? It's sadder before it's actually over, and when it is, it's a relief.

We're always shooting for that feeling of relief--that feeling of ease, that "this is where I am" that is definitive, not in flux. Uncertainty keeps me out of the vortex more than almost anything.

So after my "I'm really trying not to bitch" post, trying to figure out how to be ok with where I am, I listened to a workshop from last year in Phoenix. The entire workshop, it seems, was about how to be ok with where you are. Ended relationships, uncertain financial situations, and health issues all illustrated Abraham's main point: to be ok with where you are, you don't have to pretend that you're not bothered by your circumstances; instead, take the being bothered as an assurance that your inner self has already become the solution to your problem, and accept that gladly.

The most poignant example was of a man who had been in pain for years. People would tell him he looked like he was in pain, and he would deny it aloud, while knowing all the while that he really was. Abraham pointed out that you can be in pain and in the vortex at the same time; the key is to be ok with it, and to take the pain as a signal that your cells are asking for healing. Denying and pretending to not be in pain only discourages you in the long run, making it harder to be hopeful or better. Acknowledging that your cells are calling out for greater health reinforces that greater health is already real in your vortex, and all you have to do is allow it.

Denying that you're hurt by your lover's departure only makes the hurting more acute. Realizing that that hurt is only your separation from your inner being, who already knows what you're looking for in a lover, makes it easier to come to terms with that sense of betrayal or guilt.

Denying that you're financially up shit creek is just a recipe for financial disaster.

So my aim is to take the signs of discomfort as evidence that better stuff is waiting for me in my vortex. New contacts, job interviews and ideas for making extra money are lining up in the physical world, which is further evidence for me to dwell on. My life is pretty fucking beautiful even if I don't eat out or shop the sales as much as I like.

And I got a Tardis coffee mug for Valentine's day, and a lover who knows me well enough to pick out cool presents that I really dig.